


@Darl-ing

by Sofyzin



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, First Meetings, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Journey to remission, M/M, Oneshot, Romance, Traveling, love and care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:53:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 14,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27887848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sofyzin/pseuds/Sofyzin
Summary: Open your door, I'll be your tenantDon't got much baggage to lay at your feetBut sweet kisses, I've got to spareI'll be there, and I'll cover you....When Darryl gets tired of being Badboyhalo, he makes a list. A list of things that make him happy...Looking back now, after spending a lot of tears, time and petrol, maybe he should have just turned to the first point on that list from the very beginning.
Relationships: Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 39
Kudos: 405
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	1. Chapter 1

Darryl did not quite know when it started. Around September... probably? At some point he just... got tired of Badboyhalo. Tired of being innocent all the time, tired of singing in a fake voice, tired of playing stupid, tired of everyone trying to make him snap all the time. He was not going to snap. No matter how shit he was feeling.

That feeling, the tiredness, started out small. Just a small seed, not harmful, barely noticeable. But it grew into a huge sequoia tree and now all Darryl felt was empty. He was not motivated and if he did seem motivated, he was faking it. He figured, he got pretty good that too. Since no one realized that something was very very wrong.

He was tired all the time, spent all his free time sleeping. He barely ate, maybe just enough to keep him surviving and functioning. He could spend hour staring at one spot on the wall, lost in his thoughts... Despite all that Skeppy still made him happy. Skeppy and Rat. When he was with Skeppy, he felt alive again. And not like an empty ghost without purpose. He laughed, he teased and his boisterous happy energy somehow transmitted onto Darryl. Darryl, specifically. Not Bad. Because Bad was already happy. Darryl was able to feel a bit more motivated for a few hours after talking to Skeppy. He’d do some work on the sever, shave, clean, cook and eat. Skeppy was saving him without even knowing.

And Rat... Lucy was just there. In person. She licked away his tears when he didn’t even notice he was crying, she would bark and wake him when he slept for too long. She was his little bundle of joy, his motivation to get up since he could not let her be hungry, or thirsty, he needed to walk her, to brush and to play with her. Maybe she deserved a better owner, maybe she did. But, honestly, Bad could not ask for a better friend.

Darryl had decided it was enough and that something needed to be done when he hurt his right arm by punching a wall. Really hard. He dislocated his shoulder and his knuckles were bleeding.... It would not hurt anyone if they only know about the shoulder, right? The details of how he hurt himself were not important, especially since he realized he needed to do something about this.

So. He went to a doctor. The doctor - Roger, a pretty cool guy, Darryl would even say hot, but he had a thing for smaller very bratty men - fixed his shoulder, told him to eat more and sent him to a physiologist.

Great. He just needed to get the confirmation of his depression now.

And that was exactly what he got. Depression. The lady physiologist gave him anti-depressants, which Darryl desperately did not want to take, and suggested taking a break and doing things that make him happy.

Happy. What makes him happy? He decided to write it all out. Write out what makes him happy and the solutions, giving advice to himself.

That is how the list came to be.

——

Things that make me happy:  
1\. Skeppy (I wish I could call him Zak)  
2\. Rat.  
3\. Throwing knives, tomahawks ~~> set up the throwing station  
4\. Shooting ~~> go to a shooting range  
5\. Music ~~> Find the guitar and tune it. Maybe you can still remember the songs from Rent, Set it Off and The Cab. “One Song Glory” should still sound good. LEARN RIDE WITH U  
6\. Building things ~~> ?? You can build a present for Skeppy (to add on)  
7\. Traveling (unless it’s on a plane) ~~> Buy a truck and go traveling !!! ^^^ BUILD A MOTORCYCLE TO PUT ON THE TRACK (find license) (little get aways at least once a month, look at places to go)  
8\. Photography ~~> start a closed account Twitter vlog, just for yourself, post pictures and write about your progress to remission (DO NOT ACCIDENTALLY POST ANYTHING ON @SaintOfGames)  
9\. Baking ~~> will help with the eat more instruction, buy ingredients and bake.... send a sweet to Skeppy??? And maybe Dream and Ant...  
10\. Self care (that should work, right?)~~> stop punching walls, eat more, fix your sleep schedule, talk to Geppy and your other friends, grow out hair, get piercings, follow the list.

———

Darryl started with number 10. He did not tell them a thing about depression, but he did find strength to tell them to tone it done when it got too much.... sometimes. When he did not have the strength, he just left the call and turned to other things from the list. Like he did set up the station. And might have caught a cold after menacingly throwing tomahawks into the target in the rain... because of an especially exhausting conversation with Quackity and Tommy. And there was no Skeppy to save him. Skeppy was in Los Angelos, Skeppy was busy, Skeppy was happy. And Darryl did not want to be a bother. Oh, God, his thoughts wondered in that direction again...

——  
@Darl-ing  
Post one. The journey to remission. I set up the throwing station and practiced today. My aim is not as good as it used to be but I will get it to the best it ever was.  
[insert a video of Darryl throwing knives and tomahwaks. He hit the target every time, but doesn’t hit the middle all the time. He did hit it a few times. His expression is relaxed, and he is smiling when he does hit it, but he looks exhausted. ]  
0 likes. 0 Retweets. 0 Comments.  
———

Otherwise, he thought that he was doing a descent job. He did not sleep for 24 hours straight, he ate, he took the time to clean up the house and himself... to his surprise his hair was not as short as he remembered already. Well, that was good. He wanted his hair past his shoulders.

With number 10 in the works and number 3 crossed out, or well to some extent, he moved on to number 5. His beautiful guitar was indeed still alive. And after he tuned it, it sounded great. His sang the night away, with his real singing voice. A tenor that could go pretty low if he wanted to. He loved this. This made him feel alive. And he didn’t need the stupid anti-depressants.

Vurb found out, about the music, when one night Darryl was sitting in team speak alone and strumming the strings softly humming along to the music in his mind. He didn’t hear Vurb join and continued to play and sing and.... then Vurb spoke up (his greeting was “Toes”), after about half an hour, scaring the fuck out of Darryl. He did swear in his head that time. Shush. He was allowed sometimes. Either way, if Darryl was not already sitting on the floor, he would have fallen out of his chair.

“Vurb! What the muffin?! Where did you come from?!” Badboyhalo immediately came out, almost overshadowing Darryl. But the strings still buzzed under his fingers, and he couldn’t make himself switch completely.

“That was really good, Bad.” Ugh. He should not get upset when someone combined Darryl’s interests and Bad. But he still did. That is why he did not want anyone to know. “I didn’t know you played! Or could sing like that!”

“Yeah, um.... It’s like...it’s just...” He sighed, his fingers still gripping the guitar. He could not find the right words to explain because, it would end up in a reveal and Darryl did not want that. His sadness was for him to fill. He’ll find something- someone to fill it with eventually. No matter how long it takes. “A hobby?”

“Why do you sound like you are asking me?” Vurb chuckled quietly on the other side on the screen and Darryl allowed a small smile to grace his lips. It was a bit stupid, wasn’t it? “Well... either way, it’s really good. You should sing like that on stream.”

“No way.” That might have came out a little too quickly. He heard Vurb him questionably and shook his head. Calm down. No one is making you do it. “I-eh... it’s my personal... voice. I don’t want the fans to know.”

“Oh. Oh, okay. That’s your decision, I guess... I am just here to go to sleep because it is way past your bedtime!”

“Is it?” Darryl squinted at his computer trying to work out the time, he needed his glasses, but they were on the table, and he did not want to get up. “What time is it?”

“2:20 am. I am surprised you are not dropping the base, like Skeppy told me you did every time at 20 minutes of an hour, but I guess your music is better.”

“Yeah. Thanks. I’m going to go to bed now. Goodnight.” He slowly stood up as Vurb said his goodnights and disconnected the call turning off discord. He did not mean to be so harsh but... he really had no strength for the facade at the moment. He just wanted sleep.

He put away his guitar and set an alarm, he was a very light sleeper so that would be enough to wake him. He hated how light of a sleeper he was, since he heard most of the things that were happening outside, kept tossing and turning and often got cold. It didn’t bother him much, especially since he slept so much when it just began. But he still yearned there was something that could warm him...

————  
@Darl-ing  
Post two. I found my guitar. Had to change the stings and color it. Now it has blue cornflowers and diamonds drawn onto it, they look great on the black background. After I tuned it, it sounded great.  
[ Insert video of Darryl sitting on the floor, back against the wall and singing softly. He is singing “Your Eyes” from Rent. His voice is way different from how he usually sings online, it’s deeper, more raspy. He looks just as tired, but is smiling as he sings.]  
0 likes. 0 Retweets. 0 Comments.  
————-

In the morning he decided it was time to start working on the motorcycle. He had bought the truck a week after making the list as well as all the parts for the motorcycle. So he started working. It was a tedious job but it kept his mind busy and off all the horrible thoughts. And sure, he was not as active anymore, but he just told his friends and his fans, that he was building something, which was not a lie.

So they left him alone. He found being alone quite comforting but at the same time he often felt like he was drowning in the silence and emptiness. But it was okay. Because his hands were busy and his mind was busy.

It took him... 2 months to finish the motorcycle and a week to drive it to get painted. In his opinion it looked very sick. All of this time he was documenting everything on his vlog. It was still.... pretty dull to be honest. But that was okay. Because when you fall down, there is only one way to go. Up.

——  
@Darl-ing  
Post three. Motorcycle done. I got it colored black, it’s really pretty. I found my licence, it’s still working and I still remember how to ride.  
[insert picture of Darryl’s right hand covering in grease. The image is not focused because his hands are shaking.]  
[insert imagine of the motorcycle. It is a merge of the sports and retro types. It’s a shiny, black one. Darryl must be very proud of it.]  
0 Likes. 0 Retweets. 0 comments.  
———-

The first place he went to was just to the beach. He took Rat with him and went to an empty beach. Took lots of photos, found flat stones threw stones into the water, watching how far they would go. It was nice. He even posted a picture of Rat in front of the sunset on his main account. He immediately started to get dms from his friends, asking if this is what he blew off a stream for. But he ignored them, only answering to Zak who asked if Darryl got ice cream. He did not. But now he wanted some. Skeppy never failed to cheer him up.

He got ice cream, ate it and then just laid on the sand staring into sky. It was not really productive, was it? Maybe he should have went somewhere he could have met people but... for once he actually felt peaceful. He supposed to should add Meditation to number 10 because... getting rid of all thoughts and just floating through clouds was very nice.

——  
@Darl-ling  
Post four. I took the motorcycle for a test drive and went to the beach. Rat enjoyed it, it was pretty fun. I brought my guitar too...  
[Insert video of Darryl sitting on the beach and singing “One Song Glory”. His voice is breaking, and he sounds on the verge of crying.]  
0 likes. 0 retweets. 0 comments.  
———

But then the night came, and he got cold so it was time to go back home. Rat in her little back pack on his back, the wind in his face, although the helmet protected him. It was great, the emptiness disappeared and turned into numbness. Which was a small improvement.

But sadly, it did last long. When he got home, he joined Tommy’s stream. Did not end well. It stressed him out, it made him feel worthless and like he deserved every swear, every troll, every hate comment that he got. So he took the anti-depressants.

They made him sick. He threw up and couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night, so he swore to never take them again. In the morning Darryl packed, got the motorcycle onto the truck and left. He did not tell anyone, just wanted to escape. Maybe to go to Niagara falls and watch the water, or to Washington and explore the museums and the monuments... or to Las Vegas to get black out drunk and flirt with a stranger.

The journey took two days. He might have turned off his phone completely, since he did not want any distractions and just wanted to be alone. He wanted to be left alone, and yet he craved human contact. Maybe that is why after arriving and settling in a hostel, he went to a casino... he was actually great at poker, so he won a pretty big amount and left after, deciding not to risk it. Instead, he went to the bar.

Jay was pretty neat. Jay was a pretty boy with big blue eyes, tan skin and light brown hair.... not a spitting image but it would do. Jay was trying to find a rebound and Darryl was happy to comply. Neither cared that they were moaning the wrong name when making out or when Darryl was on top of Jay, kissing his neck. It was great. Because Darryl imagined Zak. And it helped. He imagined kissing Zak’s lips, his neck, feeling his warm skin under him and running fingers through his hair. He imagined the moans and the soft whispers, the taste of his lips and the blush of his skin. All that could belong to him. But never will.

“Last night was great. Thanks.” Jay whispered, as Darryl sat on the bed rubbing his face and shaking off the hangover.

“You’re welcome.” Darryl concluded hoarsely, frowning as Jay kissed his cheek and got off, getting ready to leave.

“Good luck with your Zak.” Jay spoke for the final time, before walking out the door. “I hope you will find happiness.”

—————  
@Darl-ing  
Post five. Las Vegas was... interesting. I won 50k dollars. They did not feel as good as when Zak Skeppy gave me them. I got black out and slept with a stranger. Back to my teenage, I guess. Jay was pretty cool... wish it was someone else though.  
[insert photo of the casino. It’s a pretty famous flirt.]  
[Insert photo of the poker table, Darryl seems to be winning.]  
[insert photo of the bar and Jay sitting on a stool. He is wearing ripped jeans, a blue tank top, a choker and has make up on. His hair is very messed up.]  
[Insert photo taken by someone else. In the photo Darryl is pressing Jay into wall and kissing his neck. Darryl’s white dress shirt is half way open and his hands are on Jay’s waist. He is very drunk at this point.]  
[insert photo of the empty road, very early in the morning, most likely taken on his way back.]  
0 Likes. 0 Retweets. 0 Comments.  
————

When he came back home, he got shouted at. Skeppy was fuming, he had been so worried because Darryl disappeared for 5 days. No contact at all. If it had been two more days, Zak would have showed up on his doorstep.

“Bad! What the fuck?! 5 days! 5 fucking days, no contact, no anything just- radio silence!”

“Shhh, Geppy-“ Darryl knew it was right but... his heart swelled happily from the fact that Zak was so worried about him. “Geppy, I’m sorry. I went on a trip and my phone died. I’m sorry for scaring you so much!”

“You better be, you- MUFFINHEAD!” Zak hissed and sniffled on the other side of the phone. “I thought I lost you...”

“I’d never leave you, Geppy.” Darryl purred affectionately. Once again, with Zak he felt happy.... even though he could not stop thinking about Zak’s eyes when- oh, wait. That was Jay.

“You promise?”

“I promise.”

“Thanks... next time you decide to go on a trip just... send me a message. So I know that you were not kidnapped or killed.”

“Of course, Za- Skeppy.” Darryl cleared his throat and faked a yawn. “So I... I am actually pretty tired, so I am going to go...”

“Wait! Ba-“ Darryl hanged up and slid down a wall, hiding his face in his knees.

“I am sorry, Zak. You should not deal with my mess.” He mumbled, staying on the floor. “My mess. Ha. I am a mess.”  
———

Darryl’s next trip, he decided he wanted to be away from people this time, was to Yellowstone National Park. He spent a few days there just... mediating and taking photos. Lucy really liked it, she was ecstatic to the amount of walks they took since Darryl took her hiking. Honestly at this lint she was kinda his service dog, helping him calm down when he was feeling like giving up...

——  
@Darl-ing  
Post six. Yellowstone is beautiful. I want to take Zak here... maybe then I won’t think about jumping in an acid lake.  
[insert 3 photos of Sequoia trees, Darryl seems to really like them.]  
[insert photo of Lucy, sitting like a meerkat on the grass. Her leash, is leading towards the camera. A few feet meters from her there is a camp fire.]  
[Insert video of a marshmallow being toasted on the camp fire.]  
[Insert video of the acid lake, bubbling and shimmering in the sun. Darryl seemed to stand and just stare at it... until Rat barks and snaps his attention away from it]  
0 Likes. 0 Retweets. 0 Comments.  
——-

Darryl decided that he really liked Montana, so he stayed there for Christmas. It snowed.

The snow slowly wrapped the cold, sleepy ground, settling in white flakes in Darryl’s hair. It was long now, past his shoulders. The cold insinuatingly ran its long, thin fingers behind the collar of his winter coat, as if twining like a vine around his heart. Poetic, isn’t it? It’s Christmas Eve and he is alone.

His phone has been going off again, and he cannot be bothered, just sitting on the steps of the chalet he rented and staring into the cold forest. It is insanely beautiful. All the trees were covered with a dense blanket of snow. Their thin twigs shine din the setting sun and delighted the eye, as if they were made of expensive crystal. Small graceful firs stood in silvery hoarfrost, showing off the new decorations. The majestic pines were dressed in long diamond dresses. All trees looked smart and quietly rejoiced in their new image.

A beautiful river glistened under the ice, beckoning the local kids to renew their skates. Perhaps they will in the morning... Darryl cannot skate. And he will not try it alone. The mischievous snowflakes started their magic game, sparkling with new fur coats and slyly looking into Darryl’s, making his hair and eyelashes white.

Darryl sat there till the night fell. The moon came out solemnly and calmly, showering everything with golden light. It's ghostly radiance made crystal icicles, which appeared in the sun during the day, flicker like a precious necklace. He wished... Zak was here.

He wished he could make Zak hot chocolate and curl up by the fireplace. He wished Zak would take him ice skating and brush away the snow from his hair. He wished...

“Dude! Why did you disappear again?!” Zak hissed into the phone. Did Darryl call him? He did not notice...

“Hey.” Whoa. His voice was so hoarse. But that’s what he gets for staying out in the cold for too long.

“Bad... Bad, what is up with you?” Zak whispered sighing quietly. “You’re quieter, you’re missing recordings and streams and- you barely talk to any of us. Don’t think I don’t know, Dream told me. Bad... Darryl. Please talk to me?”

Darryl sighed as well. He did not want to talk about it. Not to Zak. Not to anyone. He was such a mess and no one needed to know and to bear this burden on them. Especially not Zak.

“It’s snowing where I am.” Darryl mumbled quietly fixing his hat and blowing warm air on his free hand.

“Oh yeah?” Zak seemingly decided not to push but it was clear that it was not a conversation he could escape forever. “Send me a photo.”

“Of the snow?”

“No, silly! Of you!” Darryl shivered at the amount of affection there was in Zak’s voice when he said that. Zak wanted to see him. Darryl craved to hold him. Darryl needed to see him.

“...here.” Darryl sent a picture, and heard Zak gasp quietly as he opened it. The photo showed Darryl with a very tiny smile, snow in his hair and eyelashes. He was tagging on a lock of his hair to cover at least a little bit of his face. The whole scene was lit by a dim candle that was stood next to Darryl. “Heh, I am not bald anymore...”

“Your hair is so long...” Zak whispered, absolutely enchanted. Who gave Darryl the right to be so perfect? “You’re...”

“Yeah?”

“Gorgeous.”

“Zak-“ Darryl chocked on the crispy air and let out a cloud watching as his breath dissolved. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too... you know, that you can come over whenever you want, right? And then- I mean... only, be warned. If I see you, I doubt I can let you go.” Zak chuckled quietly and Darryl hummed in reply.

“Merry Christmas, Geppy... Zak. Merry Christmas, Zak.”

“Merry Christmas, Darryl.”

—————  
@Darl-ing  
Post seven. Montana is beautiful. I love the snow, even though I can never get warm. I just remembered we promised something to our fans. We have 6 days. It takes 19 hours to drive to LA from Montana. That makes it 5. I’ll see you there, Zak.  
[insert photo of the snowy forest and river.]  
[insert photo of Rat in a dog sweater, a snowflake on her nose.]  
[insert a speed up video of the road, viewed from the truck, slowly turning from snowy to warm as he came closer to LA.]  
0 Likes. 0 Retweets. 0 Comments.  
—————

The most weird thing that Darryl noticed was that, there were moments when he felt exhausted and could sleep for more than 24 hours straight and then there were moments when he could not fall asleep at all. He just stayed up, not feeling any tiredness at all.

The whole 19 hours drive was the second moment. He didn’t feel tired, and he only stopped once because he was in the middle of an empty road and....

——  
@Darl-ing  
Post eight. On my way to the City of Angels. The stars here are incredible.  
[insert photo of the night sky, the stars and the Milky Way are out. Darryl’s hand is in the photo, seemingly tracing the Taurus constellation.]  
[insert photo of the truck. The motorcycle is in the back, connecting securely to the open part of the truck]  
[insert photo of Lucy curled up on the passenger sit, laying on the blanket, sleeping soundly.]  
0 Likes. 0 Retweets. 0 Comments.  
———

Thousands, no, even millions of heavenly bodies. With the advent of the month, the white glow only flares up, forming beautiful patterns. Someone will see the image of a person, someone will see a funny animal, and someone will see scattered golden beads. As if some wizard has lost his magic bag. The starry sky has always given peace, balance. It was the herald of a new day. They were guided by the constellations on the way, and learned to guess for the future. The appearance of the starry sky changes depending on the season: some constellations appear, others disappear. Therefore, this miracle has attracted people's eyes since ancient times.

It gave Darryl hope. That he would be able to fight through this... emptiness. It gave him hope that one day stars with light his darkness again. He wished he could see the stars this clearly from his home....

————-

Skeppy was streaming when Bad called him. He did not expect that, especially since he called his actual phone. The sound was off but Zak set it up so that when Darryl called him, it always came through.

“Oh, wait a second guys, that’s Bad-“ Zak reached for his phone picking up the call and putting Darryl on speaker. “Bad! Hi! What’s up?”

“Hey, Zak.” Darryls warm voice rumbled through the speaker and Zak practically melted. He was hiding his smile in his hands again because... well, first of all, he was blushing. Secondly, his smile was too stupid and too lovestruck to show the viewers. “You streaming?”

“Yeah! Wanna join?” Zak was pretty sure he looked like an excited puppy at the moment. But he did not care. Because this was Bad. This was Darryl. And that was all that mattered.

“Sorry, can’t. I am not home right now, but um... can you do me a little favor?” Darryl hummed softly, and Zak tilted his head confused. It sounded like the other was outside, he heard cars passing by him, his Rat yapping in the background and it sounded like he was twirling something, like a key, in his hand.

“Aha... depends on what? Is this a troll?”

Darryl giggled softly and spoke in the softest most affectionate voice that made Zak want to do anything and everything for this man:

“No, it’s not a troll. Can you go on your balcony for me please?”

“Huh. Okay. Can I take the stream?” Zak asked, getting up and picking up the facecam after getting a confirmation him from the older man. “Okay, I’m on the balcony. What now?”

Darryl snickered softly and stretched, he felt a huge need to fall Zak a pet name.... cookie, darling, sweetie. Oh! “Look down, muffin.”

Zak peered down the balcony and froze. He was here. Bad- Darryl was actually here. Leaning on a black motorcycle, his hair tied in a messy ponytail, twirling the motorcycle keys on his finger and chuckling quietly up at him.

“Zak, the camera-“ he was so shocked that he let go of the facecam which showed his shocked face and it free fell to the ground, slipping through Darryl’s fingers, as he tried to catch it and crushing down. “Well... it’s broken.”

He looked up and smiled at a still completely frozen Zak who seemed to be in a catotonic state: “Zak, are you going to come done or let down your hair, so I can climb up?”

The next second Zak unfroze and sprinted out of the apartment, down the stairs and jumped into Darryl’s embrace.

“Whoa! Zak, I-“

“You’re here-“ he clenched Darryl’s T-shirt, burying his face in Darryls chest. “You are actually here.”

“I am.” Darryl sighed contently, hugging back. His face was in Zak’s hair and his hands around his waist.

For the first time in three months - he actually felt warm.

—————  
@Darl-ing  
Post nine. I’m here.  
[insert photo of Lucy in her backpack in front of Zak’s apartment building.]  
[insert photo of Zak’s balcony]  
0 Likes. 0 Retweets. 0 Comments.  
————

Zak dragged him outside and turned off the stream, stammering apologizes. He kept glancing at the door, where Darryl was leaning on the doorway and smiling softly at Zak. He looked... different from what Zak expected. But it was a good different.

However, right now he had a million questions buzzing through his head, so he took Darryl to the living room. He pressed him down, curled up, tacked into his side and playing with his hands. Lucy was on Zak’s lap, wagging her tail happily.

“Okay, first of all... Rapunzel reference? Really?” Darryl laughed softly as this was the first question he asked. Zak did not need to know that this was his first real laugh in forever. “Okay, okay, but really since when do you own a motorcycle and know how to drive one?! Why is your hair so long? Will you take me for a drive?”

“Zak, shhh, muffin, slow down.” Darryl whispered, blinking trying to catch up. “I knew how to ride a motorcycle for forever, I built that one myself, and no-“

Darryl saw that Zak opened his mouth to ask another questioned and decided to answer it before the smaller had the chance to speak:

“No, I did not drive all the way here on it, I have a truck which I parked in the outskirts of the city. I really didn’t want to get into the traffic on that thing.” Darryl felt warm. His hands were always freezing but Zak’s felt hotter than a volcano. Was this normal? “My hair just grew? I guess.”

“Yeah, I noticed it in the photo, it’s- beautiful.” Zak mumbled, reaching for auburn locks. He took off the hairband, letting the hair cascade down Darryl’s shoulder and ran his fingers through it. “Soft...”

“Mhmm...” Darryl smiled and kissed Zak’s hand. “How about I cook us something real quick, and then we watch a movie and cuddle?”

“Yeah...” Zak was completely lost. In those eyes, in the touches, in... in Darryl. “Yeah, that sounds good. Hurry.”

Darryl nodded and let go, going into the kitchen. He left his phone unattended and-

“Your fridge is so empty that a mouse hanged itself in it! It will be something really basic because of that!”

And it would be a sin if Zak did not tweet something controversial and funny from his account. They knew each other’s passwords, of course, so getting in was not a problem-

@Darl-ing. Huh? What was this? Did Darryl have a secret account and did not tell Zak? That is just-

“Journey to remission?” Zak mumbled very quietly, frowning deeply. Remission? What’s remission? it’s a familiar word but-

Remission is when you stop having a sever disease. Was Darryl sick? He did not look sick! Why did not he tell Zak?

Not all illnesses are physical. That was a realization. He scrolled through the nine posts there were on the page, or well account, covering his mouth because... he was crying now. Because his friend was depressed and Zak had no idea. His best friend thought of jumping into an acid lake. His crush, his love, got drunk and slept with a stranger, while imagining.... Zak was not stupid. Darryl ignored everyone but him lately it could not be anyone else. His Darryl hid away from the world for three fucking months, dealing with this empty darkness alone. But now that he was here, there was no way that Zak was letting him deal with it alone.

“Darryl-“ his voice broke as he clutched the phone and rushed into the kitchen and wrapped his hands around the older man who dropped the towel he was going to stabilize the crying Zak.

“Hey, hey, hey- Zak, what’s wrong?” Darryl frowned, not noticing the phone. Dread and panic rose in his stomach. Did he do something wrong? “Baby, what’s wrong?!”

“Darl- Darryl. I-“ Zak looked up and sniffled, pressing both his hands to Darryl’s cheeks. “I love you. So much. And you’re- absolutely the strongest person I know and the kindest and- I just. Stop- don’t- please-“

He could not find the right words, and he was so extremely terrified of loosing Darryl right now. His soulmate. His everything.

“You do not deserve to suffer in silence.” Zak whispered, watching as Darryl’s eyes widened in realization and as his eyes moved to the phone that was hidden under Zak’s elbow and pressed firmly to his side. “It’s- I want to help. I am here for you. No matter what the demons in your head say, I am here. By your side, always and forever and-“

“Zak-“

“No, no! Let me- let me finish.” He took a big gulp of air since he was not breathing at all during all of this. “And now that I can... I can hold you in my arms and now that you are here, with me, very real with your long hair, green eyes and freezing hands, I’m- I’m not letting go.”

Darryl stared at him, blinking slowly and sighed, pressing their foreheads together.

“I’m sorry. I... I love you too.”

Zak sniffled and gently tilted Darryl’s chin to the side to press their lips together.

“I’ll be here, and I’ll cover you.” Zak whispered, right against Darryl’s lips. One of his hands was on his cheek, the other tangled in his hair at the back of his neck. “Tell me everything.”

And that was enough for Darryl to break. To share everything that he has hidden, stored and bottled up. He spoke about he felt too much and not enough all the time. He spoke about the emptiness, the numbness. He spoke about the darkness and how he wanted to find his stars. He spoke about the constant cold and how Zak was warm like the sun and how he longed to discover something as true as this seemed. How the anti-depressants made him feel sick and how he did everything in his power to feel alive again without actually hurting himself.

During all of this Zak had the time to slowly lead Darryl back to the couch and settle there. Tangled together, fitting together like a puzzle.

And Darryl was crying. Again. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence lately, but... this time Zak was crying with him. Crying for him. Because Darryl, the brightest person on earth, who shone brighter than the stars, the moon and the sun combined, did not deserve to have any of these thoughts consuming him. He deserved to be happy, the feel loved and cherished.

“Darryl, stay with me.” Zak whispered, kissing away the tears and pecking those soft lips that were quivering from shallow breaths. “I want to- I want to take away all of your pain. I will help you, @Dar-ling... Darryl, in your journey to remission and I promise, I will do everything in my power to keep you happy. Because you deserve to be happy.”

“Thank you...” Darryl mumbled hoarsely, hiding his face in the crook of Zak’s neck. “Thank you, thank you, thank you...”

“Always.” Zak answered gripping Darryl’s hand tightly. “Sleep now. Okay? I’ll be here, I’m holding you. You are safe, you are loved. I’m yours and you’re mine. I’ll keep you safe.”

Darryl whispered another quiet: “Thank you.... I love you so much, my sunshine...” And closed his eyes, practically collapsing on Zak in exhaustion and relief.

———-  
They spend the next two weeks together, packing Zak’s stuff. And then Darryl drove them to Florida. Through the Star road, so they got to watch the stars, through Montana, so they got to ice skate and drink hot chocolate by the fireplace.

Zak tasted better than he imagined. He felt better and never failed to cheer Darryl up when he was particularly down. His favorite tactic was to shower Darryl with a thousand sweet kisses and whisper sweet delight into his ears.

Darryl may not be feeling like Badboyhalo but Zak does not care. Because he loves Darryl however he is, he is happy to deal with whatever cockroaches he has in his head, to raise Darryl during the rainy, empty days and to bask in his light during the sunshine.

——  
@Darl-ing  
Post ten. The journey to remission. Turns out it is much easier when you have someone by your side. I love you, Zak.  
[insert photo of their connected hands on starry sky background.]  
[insert photo taken by someone else. Zak is holding onto Darryl from behind as they prepare to ride away.]  
[insert video taken by someone else. Darryl and Zak are on a frozen lake, Zak his holding Darryl’s hands and gently pulling him as Darryl is having trouble even standing on his own. They ride into a snow pile, laugh and kiss, waving at the camera.]  
[insert video of Darryl playing the guitar and singing “Everybody talks” and Zak whispering “I love your singing so much.” ]  
[insert photo of Darryl taken by Zak. He is standing in the kitchen, there is muffin mix on his cheek, and he is pouring the mix into baking forms.]  
[insert photo of Darryl’s smiling face as a tanned hand wipes away the mix.]  
[insert photo of Zak kissing Darryl, the ready blueberry muffins stand proudly in the background and for once Darryl looks happy.]  
1 like. 1 comment.  
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@Zakkini  
I love you, Darryl. Thank you for being in my life.  
[insert video of Zak singing a capella, horribly off key: “Just slip me on, I'll be your blanket  
Wherever, whatever I'll be your coat  
You'll be my king, and I'll be your castle.” Darryl comes up behind him, hugging him and kissing the back of his neck. He looks straight into the camera and sings: “No, you be my queen, and I'll be your moat.” They laugh and Zak turns around in Darryl’s embrace to press a soft kiss to Darryl’s lips.]

_Live in my house, I'll be your shelter  
Just pay me back  
With 1, 000 kisses  
Be my lover, and I'll cover you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you wanna chat and to get some vague spoilers join my (and Ruby’s) [discord server](https://discord.gg/xYTxP7QE)
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Sofyzin1)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! ^~^


	2. Every Brilliant Thing.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 123321\. Palindromes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually took the idea of the list (and a lot of things from it because it seemed fitting) from a play we read in college. It’s called what I called the chapter after, so “Every Brilliant Thing” by Duncan Macmillan. 
> 
> Soo... enjoy!

Living with Darryl was different. It was a good different since they took care of each other. Zak no longer only ate junk food and takeout and Darryl no longer had to deal with his thoughts alone. He still did, but when they got too much he’d come to Zak. They were still working on the communication part, because Darryl was stubborn and had trouble actually telling him when he was not feeling well. Zak guessed it was part of the darkness that consumed him where he just wanted to hide.

He did sometimes do that, Zak could find him in the weirdest places. When he wanted to be alone, he could be on the roof or in the closet or under the bed. Zak did not particularly like it when he did that, but he would always ask him where he was and if he wanted some company on @Darling. It was their mutual agreement to use @Darl-ing as a way of communication when either one was not feeling too well. Of course, Zak had no problem with just telling Darryl but the other way around...yeah, the Twitter system worked very well in that case.

They had a few other systems as well. To keep Darryl happy, one of them may have been inspired by Darryl’s list and may have caused Zak to carry a notepad full of sticky notes and a pencil with him at all times. And it worked. It made Darryl smile even when he felt physically ill.

Zak hated when Darryl got actually ill. He hated seeing his beloved in pain. Sadly, Darryl did get migraines quite often. It was just horrible nonstop pain as his boyfriend said, Zak could always tell when it happened even when his inamorato did not tell him because Darryl always took off his glasses, always blinked a lot more, always squinted at the lights, eventually turning them off the lights.

There was not much Zak could do, but he always did everything he could to take the pain away. He made Darryl strong sweet black tea, which the older always pressed to his forehead before drinking for some reason, he pulled Darryl down on his chest, even when his boyfriend was weakly protesting, massaged his head, playing with his hair, until he fell asleep.

Some days were better. Some days were worse.

The worse days were the once when Darryl had been slipping into his darkness, swallowed in emptiness which Zak had tries so hard to fill. He did not cry. He hardly ever cried. Only when the pain got too much. Or in his sleep.

That day Darryl insisted he was fine and worked on his server for most of the day. And then he just came into the kitchen and dropped his head on Zak’s shoulder.

“Hey, Darl.” Zak mumbled leaning back into Darryl’s embrace, and putting down the vegetables that he was cutting. Okay, he could not cook. But he could manage a salad! “You okay?”

“Migraine.” Was the muffled answer he got.

“I told you to take it easy, didn’t I?” Zak turned around, pressing his palms to Darryl’s temples. It was kind of their thing. The horrible non-stop pain, which got way worse when Darryl moved, eased when Zak’s warm hands were on him. It was all probably in his mind but it really did help.

“You did... Your hands are warm...” Darryl replied quietly, nuzzling closer. “Cuddles?”

“How about we eat something light first and you have your strong, sweet Earl Grey, and then we cuddle and sleep?” Zak smiled as green hazy eyes blinked up at him and pressed a soft kiss to his boyfriend’s lips.

“Yeah. That sounds... perfect.”

“Did you take something to soothe the headache already?”

“Mhmm.”

“Good boy.” Zak kissed Darryl’s forehead and let go, allowing the older to turn the kettle on.

“Stealing my lines, huh?”

“Shut up, sit down and let me make the tea.” Zak hissed blushing lightly. But he was happy Darryl had the energy to joke around. This meant that all he needed now was food, tea and a full night of rest.

“I am, I am...” Darryl mumbled, trying to help by getting the jar of their loose-leaf Earl Grey tea from the shelf, which Zak, of course, appreciated because he would have to stand on his top toes to get it, but he still pressed his stubborn boyfriend down on the chair.

“Darryl, relax. I can handle making tea and sandwiches.”

“You sure?”

“Bad.” Zak whined turning around to stare at his boyfriend in offence. “I’m not that bad!”

“...you burned pasta.”

“We do not talk about that, honey.” Zak was waiting for a smug reply, but it never came. He turned around glancing at his boyfriend sadly: Darryl had put his head on the table and closed his eyes.

This was when one of the systems came in. The next minute was filled with the sound of Zak scribbling away, making a weird “Meeehr!” sound and then aggressively crossing something over to resume writing.

And then a sticky note was placed on Darryl’s forehead.

823\. Skinny dipping.

The tradition was: Zak filled the notes with things he deemed genuinely wonderful and life-affirming, everything brilliant about the world. Everything worth living for.

It was a list of some sorts, and it did not always have to be written down. They posted it on @Darl-ing or whispered it to each other at any given moment.

Sometimes Darryl would scribble over them, adding things on. Zak found it cute. His hand writing was so much nicer: neat and italic, while Zak’s letters jumped all over the place, varying in size and incline. Sometimes Darryl would write notes of his own. Neat and pretty.

They had rules for it as well, so there would be no cheating:  
a. No repetition  
b. Things have to be genuinely wonderful, happy and life affiliation  
c. Not too many material items.

Anyway.

Number one was ice cream.  
2\. Water Fights on Hot Summer Days  
3\. Staying up past our (non-existent) bedtime and watching movies  
4\. The color green, like your eyes  
5\. Things with plaid, especially your pajamas and the scarf you randomly got me  
6\. Midnight rides on the motorcycle and rollercoasters  
7\. People falling over (ZAK!!!!) What? It’s funny sometimes! Have you seen the video of Finn tripping Vurb?  
8\. Juice  
9\. Chocolate  
10\. Falling in Love

Zak smiled watching Darryl take the sticky note off his head and read it, enjoying the rapid blush growing on his cheeks.

“Oh, you... Thanks, Zak.” Darryl mumbled, smiling softly and leaned on the table to chapter Zak’s lips in a gentle kiss. “I love you. We can do that when I feel better.”

“Oh?” Zak mumbled against Darryl’s lip, happy that he made his boyfriend feel better. He almost dropped the cup he was holding, which hand another sticky note on.

“Yeah... drive down somewhere warm, near a lake, rent a room...”

“Sounds perfect.” Zak answered, massaging Darryl’s neck gently, noticing how the older had lots of knots and tense points. “Now, drink your tea.”

995\. Bubble wrap

“You are really jumping around in numbers today, baby.” Darryl mumbled pressing the warm cup to his forehead instead of drinking the tea.

“The order doesn’t matter.” Zak mumbled, throwing a whole spoon of sugar into his mouth under Darryl’s concerned gaze.

“Don’t eat so much sugar...”

“Nothing to say about number 995?” Zak asked, putting the spoon and turning to Darryl with a smug smile. His boyfriend had finally took a sip of the tea and was currently breathing in the steam.

“Bubble Wrap, huh...” A teasing smile found its way on Darryl’s lips, taking Zak’s breath away. He suddenly stood up raising his cup and started talking in his announcing voice. “And Zak Ahmed, clad only in bubble wrap will perform his famous lawn chair-handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred!... ow, I should not have done that...”

“Oh, shut up, you Rent nerd!” Zak laughed blushing darkly, and pressing his forehead to Darryl’s, after the older finished his tea. “Sit down! Sit down! And I mean... if you want to...”

“Zak! All that for later... I wanna nap.”

“Nap?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s nap then.” Zak whispered softly, putting his boyfriend’s cup into the sink and then pulling him up by his palms. “You are a big teddy bear, you know that?”

“Mm. Nooo...” Darryl mumbled sleepily, grimacing as he stood up. Moving echoed with a dull pain in his head.

“Yes, you are. Nap time now.” With that Zak was on the bed and pulled a weakly protesting Darryl on top of him.

“Am I crushing you?”

“No.” Zak smiled his hand going into his boyfriend’s hair. He loved the way the silky waves cascades through his fingers. “But I’m crushing on you.”

“Why? We’re dating...”

“Just sleep, honeybear.” Zak snickered as Darryl finally settled down with his face in the crook of Zak’s neck. “You’re too out of it to process the joke.”

“Huh, honeybear... who’s the Rent nerd now?”

“That is because you make me watch musicals all the time... and because I love the recording with you in it. Ah, ah, ah! Close your mouth. And go to sleep!”

————————————————————————

Zak looked up meeting Darryl’s eyes and smiled softly. Darryl looked very soft. Must have just woke up. He was in his plaid pyjama pants, a blanket draped over his bare chest and a simple hairband pushing back his locks. He was carrying a sticky note:

9993\. Badgers

“Oh, wait a sec-“ Zak pressed on save on the video he was editing. It could wait and right now he was focused on his sleepy, soft boyfriend, as he reached towards him making grabby hands. “Hey, did you just wake up?”

Darryl made a soft noise, something in between a purr and a murmur, and walked over dropping his head into Zak’s hair.

“Hey, hey, hey, honeybear...” Zak’s hands were on his boyfriend’s shoulders bringing him closer. He always used as much pet names as possible to remind Darryl how much he loved him. It helped in a way. “What’s up? How are you feeling, love? Are you any better?”

“Mmm... better. But... Meh.” Darryl mumbled shifting and slowly losing himself onto the floor, to put his head on Zak’s lap.

“Meh?”

“Yeah.” Darryl nuzzles into Zak’s hands like a cat. He’s always like a cat. Affectionate when he wants to be and hiding away at other times.

“Is your migraine gone, my love?”

“Mhmm. I’m just numb now.” Darryl mumbled and looked up blinking slowly. Zak cooed softly, rubbing circles in his cheeks. His darling was just too soft. “Kiss?”

“Of course.” Zak leaned down connecting their lips in a slow warm kiss, emitting a content sound from the older. Zak loved it when Darryl was happy.

Zak kept Darryl happy. Most of the time. Sometimes Darryl could not help but feel sad, and he always apologized for it even though Zak always told him not to.

Zak was there. Zak was there when Darryl could not sleep or when he slept for more the whole day. Zak was there when Darryl sat on the floor and put his head on Zak’s lap while the younger recorded. Zak was there during the impromptu trips, sitting in the passenger sit of the truck or behind Darryl on the motorcycle. He watched Darryl practice his knife throwing and cuddled him at night. He also took away his coffee when Darryl had too much of it.

“Hey, Darl?” Zak whispered into Darryl’s lips, giggling softly as his fingertips were tickled by Darryl’s light morning stubble.

“Mm?”

“Can you give me one reason why you’re happy today?” That was another tradition. System. It was simple but it helped.

“Uuuh, well...” Darryl blinked softly, chewing on his bottom lip. “You-“

“One reason that’s not me, honey.” Zak chuckled softly, stroking Darryl’s cheekbones with his fingertips. “You always say me. I want something besides me.”

“But you make me happy!” Darryl pouted and blinked up at Zak sleepily.

“I know. You make me happy too, lovely. But still: one reason please!”

“I have had my morning coffee!” Darryl decided to settle on that.

“Oh, so that’s why you’re so much more awake than usual.” Zak chuckled, licking his lips. If Darryl did not have his coffee he would be asleep on the floor by now.

“Mhmm...And! I have another reason!” Darryl lit up seeing as pride bloomed in Zak’s eyes at that senatce. “We are gonna watch Soul today!”

“Ooh, yes! A break from the routine!” Zak giggled, rolling his eyes. Honestly. Whenever Darryl would feel very miserable, he would cuddle up in blankets and watch first the Les Misérable movie and then the concert. And if that was not enough he would move on to Miss Saigon straight after or if he was feeling just slightly miserable he’d listen to Rent. It made him feel better. And then he’d sing. That was the best part, honestly. Darryl with his guitar, fingers running along the strings and Zak watching him and listening to his honey timbered voice... Zak had listened to the soundtrack about 20 times just this month, he did not mind, really, but he preferred to listen to it in Darryl’s performance rather than the recording. “Les Mis is so... miserable!”

However, watching all those musicals did help Zak create another sticky note:

9998\. Watching someone watching their favorites movies.

“And?”

“And... you know what. Shut up.” Zak laughed, pressing a kiss into Darryl’s hair. “Did you like the note by the way?”

“Yes. I added a little badger, look!” Darryl showed him the sticky note with the brightest smile ever. “So cute!”

“Mm, yes, you are.” Zak breathed out with a lovesick smile, having completely forgotten about the editing at this point. “I wanna do something today!”

“Mm?”

“I can... wash your hair!” Zak exclaimed as Darryl chuckled at the enthusiasm and nodded. “Self care day! Face masks! And... um... if you don’t mind, can we stream tonight? Only if you’re filling okay. I can curl your hair-“

“Uh-“

“You can paint my nails.” Darryl looked absolutely adorable with curled hair. Zak had curled it before a few times and now every time they had a spa day he did it. Darryl did not really mind... since he got to do Zak’s nails, and he liked the feelings of Zak’s fingers in his hair.

“You know what? Yeah, let’s do that.” Darryl mumbled stretching and giggling when Zak cringed at the sound of his joints cracking. “We need to talk to the fans later... and I need to talk to Dream. And Ant.”

“Uh-oh...”

“Yeah... how about we just call them now?”  
Darryl shifted to look up at him and nudged him in the stomach lightly making Zak giggle. “I really don’t want to be screamed at on stream.”

“I will protect you.”

“Okay...” Darryl needed to tell their other friends about his mental and physical state. It was about time. “I love you.”

“Love you too... do you know that Dream is now in prison?”

“He is what?!”

———————————————————————  
@Darl-ing:  
Zak got out the curlers, and I found the nail polish ÒwÓ  
[insert picture of a bottle of bright blue nail polish and a bag of hair curlers]  
1 like. 2 Comments.  
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@Zakkini: Ready to look fabulous! ❤️  
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@Darl-ing: You always look fabulous ❤️  
————————————————————-

Zak did not tell him that he meant the Dream SMP prison. It was a bit funny to be fair, but Clay laughed so much when Darryl him in panic. And then he asked the fateful:

“Where have you been, Bad? Everything alright?” Zak noticing the way Darryl flinched at ‘Bad’, grabbed his hand bringing it to his lips and glued another sticky note to the corner of his computer screen:

996\. Really good oranges  
997\. Hammocks  
998\. Deciding you’re not too old to climb trees

“Uh, well.” Darryl smiled at the kiss and the note, squeezing his boyfriend’s hand. “I would... we would rather tell everyone at once. I don’t want to repeat it more than necessary.”

“Huh... sounds serious. Alright, I’ll get our friends to get on then.” Dream hummed and soon the call filled with dings as theirs friends joined. And Zak got the Idots to join as well since, they deserved to know too.

“Hello!” Quackity immediately screamed making Darryl sigh and lower his head on Zak’s shoulder. Too loud already. He missed the quiet.

“Hi!” Zak spoke up, making Dream hum in confusion. He did not realize Zak was even there. Of course, they all knew Bad and Skeppy met up cause of that one blurry clip of Darryl when Zak dropped his camera. But they did not hear anything about it ever since. And if Darryl was on the floor with his head on Zak’s lap during a few recordings, they did not need to know.

“So why are we gathered here today?” Vurb asked, a smile evident in his tone. “Is it to officiate a wedding, perhaps?”

“George, Dream? Do you need to tell us something?” Sapnap teased making Darryl giggle quietly into Zak’s shoulder.

“What?! No! What the heck, Sapnap?!” George screeched accompanied by Dreams wheezing:

“George, oh, George!”

“Shut up, Dream.”

“We don’t have an ordained minister as far as I know.” Finn snickered, joining in. Zak and Darryl were calling from Zak’s account so only Dream knew that Darryl was there. “If only Bad was here...”

“Um... hi!” As soon as Darryl spoke the call filled with screaming, some angry and some relieved.

“Bad, where the fuck have you been?!” Quackity’s words immediately made Darryl wince, but he did not even say his ‘Language!’ Because it did not matter right now.

“Are we going to mention that he is taking through Skeppy’s microphone?” Techno murmured with his deep monotone, although no one got the chance to answer because...

“Unimportant. I um- I am going to tell you all something. And I don’t want you to comment.” Darryl whispered, he felt much more secure since Zak was with him and holding him. But his voice still decided to not work properly because of the nerve. “Just... we think it’s time you know.”

“Are you and Skeppy finally fucking?!” Vurb perked up, making everyone laugh.

“Arran. Shut up. You know very well that my boyfriend does not like language! And he is sick, spare him a little!” Zak huffed, smiling at Darryl and gently playing with the soft locks. It was calming for both of them.

“Yeah, you’re right, I’m so- WAIT, WHAT?!” Vurb screeched making Darryl groan and pull off his headphones.

“Since when are you two dating?!” Clay chimed in, extremely shocked. The love between the two was always obvious to everyone, but they did not expect them to stop being stupid and actually get together.

“Mm...” Darryl hummed, running his temples and listening to Zak’s soft mumbling, as the younger was trying to soothe the pain. “Not for long, honestly. And I am not-“

“Darl, don’t you dare say whatever you are thinking right now. You’re perfect. So stop making yourself sadder than you already are.” Zak sighed, tagging on Darryl’s hands as his boyfriend started to pick on his lips and twirl his hair anxiously.

“I know, I know... I can’t help it!” Darryl whimpered and Zak actually reached to pull his boyfriend in. To hold him when he was sad. To be there. He hated how the whole ordeal made Darryl upset. He loved happy Darryl, and he was happy this morning so Zan did everything he’ll get happy Darryl back.

“Um?” George’s voice snapped the couple out of their thoughts. “Are you guys, gonna maybe... go on?”

“Oh yeah... it has to do with my inactivity for the last couple of months...” Darryl stared at Zak, in search of comfort. He only got the courage to continue speaking after receiving an encouraging smile.

“Oooh! Are we finally founding out the great mystery of Badboyhalo’s disappearance?!” Quackity was just joking but Darryl’s messed up state really did not like that... especially since he could not stand Badboyhalo at the moment.

He just wanted to be Darryl. He wanted to go back to Montana with Zak. To the lovely chalet that they found and always rented when they went. He wanted to light up the fireplace, make dinner and hot chocolate with marshmallows, normal for him and vanilla for Zak, and curl up by the fireplace.

“Never mind.” Darryl whispered, only wanting to go hide somewhere right now. “I don’t... want to anymore.”

“Darryl.” Zak able to read his thoughts immediately. “I would ask you to give me one reason why you’re happy today, but we already did that, didn’t me?”

“What?” Clay mumbled frowning lightly.  
One reason to be happy? From Bad out of all people.

“We did.” Darryl replied, settling comfortably in Zaks embrace.

“Yeah. Can you give me another one though?”

“Um.... I think it’s sweet that Vurb checks up on me every day.” Zak did appreciate Vurb doing that for his Darryl, since not only Darryl communicating with someone else other than him made him a bit happier, but Zak felt like his boyfriend was getting better. Which in turn made Zak happy.

“Aw. You’re welcome.” Vurb hummed, thinking back to the night when Darryl played guitar and sang in a minor key at 2:20 am. Sitting alone in TS, sad songs, the inactivity, the sudden meet up and the two moving in together so hastily... and now one reason to be happy at that day. It all made sense now.

“I know you’re upset, so I’ll do all the talking and in the meantime... think about Montana, okay, my heart?” Zak purred, feeling Darryl smile into his shoulder. “Think about the snow angels, the sauna, the icicles, the-“

“Like when you licked one and got stuck?” Darryl giggled remembering how angry Zak was when his boyfriend laughed and filmed him instead of helping him at first.

“Okay, Darryl, no! Don’t- just stay on topic.” Zak hissed blushing very darkly, to Darryl’s delight. But then he fell silent not knowing how to say it. “Oh god, you’re right, this is very hard to sa-“

“I have depression.”

A beat. A sigh from Vurb and then a clash, as Ant dropped and broke something:

“H-how long?” Ant’s hurried voice stammered through the broken silence and Darryl sighed. He did not want anyone to hurt from this. But it was unavoidable.

“Um... around September. Probably.”

“Darryl, that was three whole months ago.” Sapnap replied slowly, still trying to process the information.

“Yeah. I know.”

“And you didn’t tell anyone-“

“It’s fine, George. I told Zak.”

“Only last month actually. And he didn’t tell me, I found out by accident.” Zak chimed in, immediately exposing Darryl. “But he’s been dealing with it in a pretty healthy way, mostly, before I read his... before I found out.”

They did not talk about showing @Darl-ing to their friends. And even if they did, it would not be to everyone and private accounts would be necessary.

“Okay, so. Let me process this-“ Finn’s turn. Huh. Darryl did not realize how much his friends loved him. “You were suffering-“

“Dealing quite well actu -“

“Darl, let him speak.”

“You were... let’s just say, powering through, your thoughts all alone?”

“... well. Yes. But I-“

“Bad... Bad, did you think we won’t be there for you?” Quackity’s voice sounded unnaturally quiet, it freaked Darryl out making him shiver and press closer to Zak.

“Don’t call me Bad please. That’s what started this whole thing.” Zak sighed and moved onto his boyfriend’s lap allowing Darryl to talk. He slotted his nose in the crook of Darryl’s neck and closed his eyes. He was not tired, not at all. But he did want to have their self care day and then curl up on the couch and watch ‘Soul.’ As they decided they will.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t feel... don’t like... cannot make myself do the persona anymore. Just call me Darryl.” Silence fell as everyone tried to process what Darryl just said. “...Please.”

“Okay. Okay, Darryl. We can do that. What else can we do to help?” Dream asked softly. He could not believe that he did not notice his friend struggling and let him suffer alone. Even if he did not ask for help.

“I really can’t think of anything.” Darryl shrugged and murmured softly as Zak playing with his hair. “Ah, actually... when do I come back. Don’t push me too far.”

Everyone immediately started reassuring him that they would never but Darryl just bummed in response. There was a reason why not everyone was in the call. He got it, he really did, but it got so overwhelming and made him feel torn apart and crushed, so he just could not handle it.

“How have you been dealing with it?” Ant sighed, feeling extremely guilty for not noticing and checking up on his friend. They have known each other for forever. How could he not notice that something was wrong?

“I have notes for him with amazing things that are with living for.” Zak spoke, looking up. “I just randomly stick them anywhere. Darl writes them too sometimes, his last one was.. um... 324, I believe, Nina Simone’s voice.”

“Good taste, Darryl.”

“Thanks, Techno. I also have this private Twitter, which I use to... collect my thoughts I guess? And it also helps me ground myself. I might share some screenshots but Zak is the only one who gets to actually follow it.” Darryl thought about letting others in, but it did not feel right. It was his thing. His and Zak’s.

“So. What have you been doing... to like actually heal?”

“Travelling a lot. Remember my old motorcycle, Tony? Yeah, so I built a new one.”

“You built a motorcycle-“

“Yes, Alex, I did. So anyway... travelling, I wanted to get a piercing as well, music, building things, Zak-“

“Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-six...”

“... what, Skeppy?” Velvet could not help but chuckle at the number, but he was very confused by the sudden interruption.

“Sex.” Zak mumbled just loud enough for everyone to hear making loud gasps and laughter start coming through the head phone... and his boyfriend made a very embarrassed noise and narrowed his eyes.

Uh-oh.

“Are you talking about Las Vegas before I told you or about the sauna in Montana during our stay?” Zak blushed darkly and had to physically contain himself from covering his mouth with his sleeve. He was not going down. No way.

“Mostly about the sauna. And the other times after. Since you clearly wrote that you wished Jay was someone else. And that someone else is me!”

“Yes, baby, you’re right. “ Darryl agreed easily since what was the point in arguing if Zak was telling the truth. “Only you...”

“Red and I are having a field day...” Vurb mumbled quietly and sighed sadly. It was horrible what Darryl went through but the love between the two bloomed like an orchid. So he knew that Darryl will be okay. “Okay, um... how about we are gonna leave you two alone, and check up on you later? I feel like you need your privacy.”

“Yes, please. Thank you for your support everyone.” Darryl stretched shifting Zak slightly and glanced at the screen. The call filled with ‘Goodbye’, ‘Feel better soon’ and ‘Call me if you need literally anything!’ Before everyone left. “God, that last part felt so awkward...”

“It really wasn’t. Don’t over think it, lovely.” Zak sighed happily, he felt like sharing the situation was the right thing to do, since their friends were worried. “Bath? Also here...”

992\. Knowing to jungle keys at the wildlife park if you want the otters to come out

“Mhmm. Can we get take out today? I don’t feel like cooking.... yeah, they are adorable, I love them and wish we could keep them.”

“Sure!” Zak got off Darryl pressing a kiss to his cheek, admiring the older’s blush and basking the faint sound he made, before grabbing his phone. “Asian? We can’t keep them, they are wild animals and are better off at the wildlife park.”

“Ooh! Yes, please! Yes, I know....” While Zak was calling take out Darryl took his patch of sticky notes and wrote one:

1003\. Realising for the thousandths time in your life someone is occupying your every waking thought, making it easier to eat, sleep and breathe, and that they feel so brand new and familiar at the same time

With that he glued it to Zak’s forehead and giggled away quietly, knowing that Zak would not look at it till he is finished with the order.

“I’ll go start the bath, baby.” Darryl whispered, sending a smirk and watching the pout on Zak’s lips melt and disappear.

15 minutes later, the bath was almost ready: the water was filling up and the bubbles were added. Then, as he was checking the temperature of the water, arms wrapped around him in a tight grip and a note was shoved into his hands.

“Hey, baby. You okay?”

“You’re so romantic, I hate you.” Zak mumbled, his head pressed into the space between Darryl‘s shoulder blades.

“Do you really? Then what does this say?”

“Of course, not, I love you.” Zak smiled as Darryl helped when the younger bit his shoulder blade.

“What was that for?” The question was gracefully ignored as Zak nudged his boyfriend, playing with the hem of his short.

“Read it! Read it! Read it!”

“Okay, okay... One thousand and four - Writing about yourself in third person. Huh, yeah, you’re right. It is pretty awesome, isn’t it?”

“You tell me.”

“It is.” Darryl purred and turned around, chuckling quietly as Zak lifted his hands and stared waiting for the older to take off his shirt. “You’re so good to me. What did I do to deserve you?”

Zak frowned, wiggling out of his shorts as well, and pulling off Darryl’s hoodie:

“We, as soulmates, deserve each other. It’s Fate. So stop those thoughts, you deserve me, you deserve the universe and more!” Darryl took a sharp breath, his yes casting down for just a second. He found that hard to believe. His thoughts told him otherwise. “Darryl, Darl... please stop. Come on, off with the clothes and I’ll tell you every little thing I love about you.”

“Huh?”

“Off. Come on.” Zak mumbled, pulling on Darryl’s trousers until he took them off.

“You just want me naked, don’t you?”

“Well. It’s a nice bonus, not gonna lie. But right now I just want to wash your hair. In the bath!”

“Mrrr... you too.” Darryl complied and got into the warm, flower smelling, water and pulled Zak on him.

“One thousand and seven: The fact that sometimes there is the perfect song to match how you’re feeling.” Zak whispered, kissing along Darryl’s jaw before turning on the water to wet the older’s hair.

Darryl sighed and leaned back allowing his boyfriend to take care of him. He did not mean to be like this: sad all the time and feel like not enough.

“I do not deserve you, Zak.” Zak pulled on the long now wet locks angrily, frowning sadly. “Give, give... all you do is give. Give me some way to show how you've touched me so...”

“I already know.” Soft hands massaged shampoo into Darryl’s scalp, as the younger sighed starting to talk. “You say it with your eyes, when you hold me close at night, when you make me scrambled eggs, when you tell me silly jokes, when you turn out the light...”

“Zak-“

“Don’t speak, don’t talk.” Zak whispered swivelling around Darryl to face him, he washed off his hands and placed them on Darryl’s cheeks. “You love me, Darl, I know you do. I see it in you eyes, I know it’s in your heart. There are no secrets there, no lies. You here in my life, and everything about us is right.”

He pressed their foreheads together and continued whispering. He knew how to get through to Darryl, how to overpower the dark whispers of his mind:

“You say it when you sing, when you make me tea at night, when you ask if I’m alright, when you shower me with your touch, when you laugh at all my jokes...”

Darryl took a deep breath and nodded, placing a short peck on Zak’s lips.

“I’m sorry... it’s not like I ever doubt it. At least not fully. My mind just goes in that direction and from there on in it’s a spiral. I really like hearing you say it though. It helps.”

“Then I will keep saying it!” Zak exclaimed smiling brightly. “I will keep saying it for forever!”

“Thank you. My love.”

“Always.”

————————————————————————  
@Darl-ing:  
993\. Having desert as the main course while watching Disney movies. I love Soul *^*  
[insert a boomerang of the TV with Soul playing on it going to the bed on which two sets of legs and two dogs on them are visible]  
1 like. 3 Comments.  
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@Zakkini: A boomerang, really? You’re such an Insta soft boy 😜  
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@Darl-ing: Shut up or I will make you! ÒwÓ  
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@Zakkini: Make me :3  
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“Oh! I have one!” Zak giggled climbing over to his boyfriend with a bunch of bottles, nail polish and hair curlers.

“Mm?”

“Turn around.” Darryl turned and Zak started to brush through his damp hair before putting the curlers in, one by one. “One thousand, six hundred and fifty-four: Talking over tweeter even though you’re right here... and then making out.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Darryl laughed, yelping quietly sometimes when Zak pulled on the locks with a little too much strength. “Even though it’s a bit silly.”

“You’re silly.” Zak smiled, rolling up the curlers that they decided to leave overnight. “Your hair is gonna be so fluffy...”

“Like yours. I always feel like curls make me look stupid though...”

“Oh, shush. They don’t. You look adorable. Besides, I’ll make it, so they will curl at the ends and be straight at the top... although you’re not at all straight, aren’t you, honey?” Zak burst out into giggles, checking the curlers that were already in, so they would not fall off at night.

“Shut it, Mr. Bendy Ruler Boy!”

“Okay, okay...I’m done with the hair! Do my nails now!” Zak turned to his boyfriend, getting their nail polish and choosing the color. “Mmm... I wanna go skater boy...”

“What?”

“Do blue, do blue!” Darryl laughed softly as Zak gave him the nail polish he picked. “Can you add starts into it? And a planet?”

“What, like your skateboard?”

“Exactly!”

“Oh, baby...” Darryl pulled Zak’s hand on the tray they brought front the kitchen, since they did not want to leave the bed, and started to put on base polish.

While the older man was preoccupied with Zane left hand, making sure that the polish is clean and evenly spread, because if he did not he would not be able to forget it ever, Zak toon out the notes and started scribbling down, his hand writing suddenly becoming way worse.

9993\. Dreams of flying  
9994\. Friendly cats! Even though we have Rocco and Lucy... and you don’t allow me to pet street cats

9997\. Being cooked for.

“Huh. I’m glad you like my cooking.” Darryl smiled looking up to see what Zak had written so far. “I have one.”

“Yeah?” Zak watched as Darryl blushed, and the brush of the paint dipped into the clear liquid.

“Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine: Staying up all night talking.”

“Ten thousand: Waking up late with you.”

There were no other words spoken because Darryl just leaned in, at the same time as Zak pulled up a little, careful not to use his left hand.

And they kissed.

Slowly, just absorbing each other because it is right. Because they complete each other. Because their lips fit together perfectly and because Zak drains away all of Darryl’s emptiness. And Darryl hand is on Zak’s cheek, as he kisses hungrily but not allowing himself to speed because... the moment is raw and tender. And this is not time for sex.

Zak smiled against Darryl’s lips and pulled him up, forgetting about the nail polish by now. Thank God Darryl closed the bottle. He pulled his boyfriend off the bed and threw his hands over his shoulder swaying them slowly to the sound of “Move On Up” by Curtis Mayfield, not caring at all that they were not following the rhythm of the song.

“One thousand and eight.” Darryl breathed out pulling away for a second. “Dancing in private.”

“One thousand and nine.” Zak replied smiling coyly. “Dancing in public, fearlessly.”

“We can do that. When we go on our trip.” Was the soft reply, accompanied by another warm kiss.

“Oh! One thousand, four hundred and twenty-seven: not worrying about how much money we spend on a holiday because it all looks like Monopoly money anyways!” Zak beamed at Darryl, melting at the sight of his boyfriend bursting out laughing. He looked beautiful when he laughed. And Zak laughed to make him laugh because... he was happy. Happier. And that brought Zak so much joy.

“Only you, Zak, only you...”

“Yeah! Only me! Your turn!”

“Hmm... One thousand and ten: Reading something which articulates exactly how you feel but lacked the words to express it yourself.” Darryl pressed his mouth to Zak’s temple as he whispered the words, making sure his beloved can hear him over the music.

“Is that how you feel?”

“Sometimes.”

“Well... now you have me. And @Darl-ing. And the notes-“

“I do. Yes. Thank you.”

“Always and forever, my love.” Zak’s hands brushed over the curlers in Darryl’s hair pressing closer. “Two thousand and one: Films that are better than the books they are adapted from.”

“Oh? Can you name any?”

“You remember that I read like 5 books in my entire life, right?” Zak giggled quietly, his breath ticking Darryl’s skin.

“I remember. I’ll read to you and after that you can tell me. Will put that on my list...”

“Yeah. That would be nice... especially when it rains, and we went somewhere, and we are in a hotel or in a car or... just anywhere.” Darryl nodded and turned them as the music played on, neither of them even beginning to care that they were moving way to slow to hit the beats of the music.

“Two thousand and three: this song. Especially the drum on this track. We are not really hitting the beats but who cares, it’s still awesome. The single ends at around four minutes but the album version continues for another four minutes and has the most insane drums. In fact...” Zak took a deep breathing, having said all of that without breathing, and pulled a little away to look into Darryl’s eyes. “Two thousand and four: Any song with an extended drum break involving a full kit, bongos and cowbell... have you heard ‘I am a Man’ by ‘Chicago?’”

“Of course, I have, baby.” Darryl replied, the fondness in his voice and eyes pooling and practically spilling out. “You should really consider picking up drums again. You speak about them with such passion.”

“You know what? I will! I definitely will!” Zak huffed, his eyes shining and his smile feeling with just as much affection as Darryl’s, currently head. “Oh! And... Two thousand and five: ‘I am a Man’ by ‘Chicago.’ Your turn!”

“Okay, mm... two thousand and six: vinyl records. I am not being pretentious-“

“I know you’re not, my soul.” The light blush at the pet name, of course, did not go unnoticed by Zak and his smile widened even more.

“-the sound quality is better, it isn’t compressed and it’s tactile, you get to weight it in your hands. You can’t skip like on Spotify or even an MP3-“

“Now, you’re just remembering your childhood.” This comment was gracefully ignored, only an eye roll was the significant on that Darryl heard it. Except that they were still entangled in each other’s arms and there was no way for him not to hear it.

“-you listen through an entire album. My father’s room had records on every surface and I loved the gatefold sleeves, the artwork, I love reading through the acknowledgments and the sleeve notes, the story of the making of the object.”

“Holy shit, that was a long one.”

“Language! You kiss me with that mouth!” Zak burst out laughing at the phrase, looking up at Darryl with bright eyes. “Don’t look at me like that... you know I don’t like swearing.”

“Except when you do it in your head.” Zak shook his head at the fake annoyed grimace Darryl made, pulling them backwards, so they would fall on the bed again. “My nail polish smudged.”

Darryl smiling and kissed Zak again before pushing himself up off his boyfriend to sit next to him and to place his hand back on the tray.

“We have all the time in the world. I’ll just start again.”

————————————————————————  
@Darl-ing:  
Spa day! ÒwÓ  
[insert picture of Darryl with curler’s in his hair and a pink clay mask on his face, next to him is Zak who is showing off his space nails and also has a pink clay mask on]  
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@Zakkini:  
It’s not actually Spa day... it’s Spa(ce) day! 🌌🌠 🌎 🪐  
[insert photo of just Zak’s nails. They are dark blue with carefully drawn stars and planets. The drawings are not perfect but pretty good, you can understand what the artist was going for at least.]  
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@Darl-ing: Watching you manually look for those emojis...  
[insert picture of Zak with his tongue out, sitting crosslegged on the bed, scrolling through his phone in dedication]  
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@Zakkini: I would find the middle finger emoji but I want my kisses  
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@Darl-ing: Ye! That has learned you! :3  
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“Do you think we will ever get married?” Zak mumbled, pressing closer to Darryl. It was 4 am, and they did not go to sleep yet. Just laying in bed, whispering about everything and nothing.

“Yes. I hope so. I want to... eventually.” Darryl rubbed circles in Zak’s skin, his finger tips running from his shoulder blades to his ribs and then down to his hip. “If you’ll have me.”

“Of course I’ll have you.” Zak hummed, propping himself up on his elbow to lean over his boyfriend. “I want to get married. I want to get married somewhere unusual, maybe outside America or something. I want to wear a veil and for both of us to wear flower crowns with peonies. I want to get rings with ‘Your my sunshine’ and ‘Ride with U’ quotes, I want to move somewhere with a lot of flowers and stay there with you forever.”

“Oh, Zak.” Darryl whispered his voice low and raw with emotion, raw with love and affection. “We can do that. We can absolutely do that. But before that I have to give you a super romantic proposal.”

“Who said you’ll be the one proposing?”

“It’s on my list.” Darryl replied easily, chuckling quietly. “Or will be on my list. Soon... It’s on my list but I just need to write it down.”

“Aha! So technically if I propose now than I win!”

“It’s not a competition, Zak.” Darryl threaded his fingers through Zak’s hair, making the younger hum and press to his hand. “I just want to say... you make me so happy. Like... I cannot even describe it. I-“

“Is it like... Your hearts beating really fast and your breathing is shuddered and one second you’re hot and the other you’re cold and-“

“...That description can fit love as much as it can fit the flu or ARD, baby.” Zak blinked a few times and started giggling quietly:

“Wait, wait, I also want to sing and dance like in one if your stupid musicals. It’s just... I burn for you.”

“You burn for me?”

“I burn... I wish I could take away all of your pain. All the dark thoughts and all the emptiness. So it can burn with me.”

“Well, first of all... I don’t want you to burn.” Darryl frowned lightly pressing his forehead to Zak’s. “I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“It’s fine. I burn in a good way. It’s like... burning but with a fire resistance potion, you know? It’s warm and I feel safe and... yeah.” Zak smiled, gripping the back of Darryl’s plaid shirt and sighing softly.

“Okay... good. That’s goods then.” Darryl replied, pressing butterfly kisses all over Zak’s face. “You do burn my troubles away though. That’s what I was saying. Without you, I was struggling to focus, to find a reason to get out of bed. On some days to wake up and on other days to fall asleep. Even if I did have... do have, @Darl-ing. It was difficult. And you make it easier. You always made it easier.”

“I’m happy I can help but... I want you to be able to get better for yourself. And not just for me.” Zak hummed, putting a palm to Darryl’s lips, so he’d stop with the kisses. Only to blush darkly because his boyfriend smiled and rubbed on his palm like a cat and started kissing him there.

“I already do it for myself. Not on all days. Some days it really is just for you, other days is because I want to spend time with you... which is different in mind. And of course, I want to get better for myself. I want to get back to streaming one day, I miss the fans and I miss playing with our friends... and destroying you in Bedwars.”

“Okay, one: we can still do that without filming or streaming it.” Zak said as Darryl nodded sleepily, not noticing the sly grin on his boyfriend’s face. “And two: you never do that, unless it’s in real life!”

“Zak! Oh my goodness!... these things always come out of nowhere with you, don’t they?”

“Mhmm! I can just see that if you weren’t this comfortable you would have hit me with a pillow.” Zak yawned softly, rolling over to lay fully on his boyfriend.

“That’s true... it’s 5:14 am... sleep?”

“Mhmm. Goodnight, my heart.” Zak looked up to kiss his Darryl goodnight, one more kiss before sleep.

“G’night, Cookie.”  
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@Darl-ing:  
You really should not have let me have the password to your phone... you look so happy when you sleep *^* I love it. I love you ❤️  
[insert photo of a sleeping Darryl, his lips slightly parted and his eyebrows furrowed a bit. Zak’s fingers is between his eyebrows seemingly trying to wipe the frown off]  
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@Darl-ing: Anyway. While you sleep. I have a few.  
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@Darl-ing: 31. Birdsong, especially in the mornings, when we go to wildlife parks and when you whistle along with it... not in the house though, for whatever reason you don’t whistle in the house and don’t allow me to either... you’re always like: “Zak! Don’t whistle inside the house or you won’t have any money!” Like come on, honeybear, we are Minecraft YouTubers! We are rich people! ( we could attend Technoblade’s ball in the Tales of the SMP Techno, but we won’t cause we don’t wanna die)  
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@Darl-ing: 347. Alcohol. The drunk stream was so fun. Especially you came in to turn the stream off and to take me to bed. I’m sorry, I made you worry... love you!... not drinking on stream again though, I’m so lightweight and an open book, aren’t I?  
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@Darl-ing: 45. Hugging. No explanation needed for this one.  
[insert selfie of a sleepy Zak, who’s covering his mouth with Darryl’s hoodie, in Darryl’s embrace. The older man is not frowning in his sleep anymore and his lips are now curved in a small smile. Zak looks mischievous, probably because he is using Darryl’s phone, but he’s very happy.]  
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@Darl-ing:  
4997\. Gifts that you actually want and didn’t ask for.  
2390\. People who can’t sing but either don’t know or don’t care... aka. Me! You can sing though. You’re really good at it too...  
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@Darl-ing: Aww, Zak... I love you too ❤️  
you were so red when I woke up and caught you on my phone. Adorable! >~<  
[insert photo of a pouty Zak, his cheeks are blooming with red, so are his ears.]  
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@Zakkini: Hhhhhh staaaap! Stop shushing me!  
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@Darl-ing: Okay, okay, baby. I have one.  
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@Zakkini: Yeah?  
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@Darl-ing:  
1000000\. Listening to all my favorite records with you, especially showing them to you for the first time. Watching as you turn it over in your hands, place it on the deck and put the need down, hearing the faint hiss and crackle of the sharp metal point on the wax before the music begins, then sitting and listening while reading through the sleeve notes. Kissing you as the music accelerates.  
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123321\. Palindromes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I say @Dalr-ing is my favorite I mean it :3
> 
> If you wanna chat and to get some vague spoilers join my (and Ruby’s) [discord server](https://discord.gg/xYTxP7QE)
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Sofyzin1)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! ^~^

**Author's Note:**

> I am actually very proud of this one... 
> 
> Hope you liked it ^~^
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Sofyzin1)


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